Monthly Archives: December 2011

Looking into podcast venues

I will be attempting a podcast soon. I’m also looking at live podcasts with live call in, although at present I don’t think anyone will call.

The first podcast will be on medication and its effects, side effects, and meaning.


The Wall

Chemical reactions use catalysts to lower the energy barrier so a reaction can take place.

I want to use this as an experiential analogy to the equivalent “hitting a wall” found in both hypomania and depression in myself and in at least some other bipolar individuals.

Think about starting a project, of any size. There is a certain “catalyst” that a person has to have to get over that barrier to starting┬áthe project. In some people they are sufficiently motivated that their motivation works as a catalyst, and gets them over the wall.

I currently am experiencing a mild hypomanic phase. One might think, oh, this is good, now I can get a lot done. But that’s not always how it presents. In my case I can’t give the requisite concentration to get past the starting wall. In depression the case is somewhat worse in that all motivation is sucked from you. You simply can’t get up I heard of a woman with a similar reaction as myself in that sometimes we just stop, a temporal psychosomatic paralysis because we can’t deal with what’s going on.

Anyway, just a few thoughts unthinkable

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The Problem of Mania Assumptions

I was just watching a show that Stephen Fry put together for the BBC on bipolar disorder, or manic-depressive disorder (an older term).

The one problem I had is that they kept describing mania as “fun” or “exhilarating” without going into the idea that some don’t experience it that way. I experience it myself as extreme irritability and I have trouble focusing. They did, however, talk to a woman who once attempted suicide by drilling into her skull with a power drill.

This resonated astoundingly to me. I can see the pain. I know that feeling. When your own mind won’t leave you alone, you feel helpless and at great pain. It’s so painful that people like myself accept moderate to severe side effects of medications rather than live with that pain.

I’m going to write more on medicinal side effects and the depressive part of bipolar 2 as I experience it, but I wanted to note this to A) promote Stephen Fry’s documentary and B) to correct what I saw as problematic due to its pervasive use of an understanding of mania that I do not share.

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