Speech: The Strong Indicator

An inability to speak, or even just a speech related malady, triggers something profound in us. The only comparable feature I know of is the face. Disfigurement of the face is more disturbing to me than spasticity, even though spasticity would (most likely) physically have more challenges.

But everything is speech to us.

So much so that we demand a freedom to speak.

Think about that. Think about the utter necessity of self expression and aphasia. Broca’s aphasia  or Weirnecke’s aphasia. In my case it was psychsomatic aphasia.

I also had bouts of muscular retardation, which was incredibly embarrassing, but it wasn’t nearly as frustrating as not being able to speak.

Think about people with Down Syndrome. We can identify them by facial aspect and vocal affect. Or at least that’s what we relate to them.

For some reason pathology in speech, even though I have had it myself, instantly provokes a strong disturbance in me. I assume, sadly, that the person is retarded. How wrong is that? I mean people with aphasia can be perfectly intelligent but I personally for an instant assume retardation until I think about it for a second.

I wish this weren’t the case.

But I don’t think I can help the immediate assumption, just the one second later understanding.

Perhaps internally we don’t want to understand that speech can be lost and all other faculties maintained. Because that means it could happen to us and we would be, in some sense, trapped inside a broken machine.

If there are any of you that don’t like the use of the word broken, I do not apologize, you either are trying to be stupidly optimistic or just lacking understanding of the magnitude of the damage.

I would say the same thing for those who don’t like the idea of the “illness” part of mental illness.

If someone is a paraplegic I sincerely doubt you would say that he wasn’t broken.

Broken has nothing to do with intrinsic self worth. Broken is the condition. They are worth everything anyone else is worth intrinsically.

For the love of all that is good and holy never use the phrase “handicapable”.

A broken leg is broken. It’s not some strange “feature”. This truly is a bug and not a feature.

I’ve heard this sort of thing before. Usually talking about bipolars in particular because there is, in some cases, an artistic aspect that seems to be connected with the manic stage.

Remember that those are just the ones you hear about. Most mania and depression is far from an “inspired” state.

Yes, I am sometimes more productive in hypomanic states, even the very minimal version I have these days with medication. I also am more irritable. I often have trouble concentrating to the point of not being able to read. I often sustain a hypersexual state that generally is just an incredible annoyance if not worse.

I’ve mentioned this before. Most mania is not a “good” mania.

Yes, I do live in a fog. Yes, there are severe side effects of the medication. But I don’t have another acceptable choice. Suicidal is not an acceptable state. Severe depression and severe mania are not acceptable states.

This post seems incoherent. Could be since I’m on very little sleep.  And hypomanic.

If nothing else maybe this will give an understanding of uncomfortable and unwanted mania.

Sometimes I just need to vent.

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