Tag Archives: Illness

“I Have a Mental Illness” Project

Please come visit my new posting site (and podcasting site) ihaveamentalillness.com. I am a cofounder, though not the initial founder, that honor goes to another.

We are trying to educate the community. Please visit, and leave comments so that we can be a better bastion as time goes on.

unconstructed

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Life And Chronic Illness

It’s a bit cold… hopefully my fingers won’t freeze ><

Consider for a moment chronic illness. I know I mentioned this last post but I think a more thorough investigation is in order.

It currently seems that I will be bipolar and on some sort of meds for the rest of my life. I didn’t really realize what this meant until yesterday. Like I said last post, it’s been 5 years… and it’ll be another 5 and another 5 and another 5… (assuming my meds don’t catch up with my liver…)

So what does this mean? It’s strange to think about. Chronic means until you die. I suppose then, I have a chronic illness, bipolar, and a terminal illness, existance.

It’s quite hard to process.

But this life is the only one we have on this earth. We don’t get a second shot free of illness and death.

I recently saw a video on youtube by AronRa talking about his granddaughter who died at three years of age.

Three years.

Now I’m not asking you to compare that to your situation. I find all such comparisons useless in general. “Oh he has it worse” doesn’t mean anything really. You don’t have a choice between his life and your life.

Children in Africa born with AIDS have it “worse”.

But that doesn’t really matter when I consider my own situation. I must not dwell on the sufferings of others. I don’t mean to ignore them, if you have the ability to help in impoverished regions or donate to some charitable organizations please do.

However all the sick children in Africa do nothing for my bipolar.

We can compare all day long.

But that won’t help our condition. We must live our lives as best we can. We should enjoy all that we can and mitigate our symptoms when possible.

We can’t change our chronic illness.

But we still can live… even if this life is harder than it would be for someone without a chronic illness.

We have to live.

Living is a direct attack at bipolar itself.

“Oh, you want to bring me down? Well f—- you! I’m not going down! I’m going to do the best I can, regardless of what life throws my way. I may have limitations, but I will not define myself by them. There are some things I will never do, but that’s ok, there are lots of things I can do.”

Live while you can. Life is precious and short… sometimes far too short as for that three year old mentioned above. While we should not compare our situation to the girl or her family, we should live in memory that we may not last another day. If this is our last day on earth, fine. We will not go into that darkness thinking “If only I had not been bipolar” but rather “I lived. And that is all that matters”.

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Starting an FAQ page

am developing a frequently asked questions page for this blog. The goal is to give answers to parents and associates of the mentally ill and give answers to the mentally ill themselves. I remember when I was diagnosed. I didn’t want to be. I thought it meant I was crazy. I literally screamed at the nurse that I wasn’t crazy before going to the fetal position and crying as I rocked back and forth. I repeated to myself “I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.” So perhaps my leading question is:

Am I crazy? As asked by the newly diagnosed patient.

No, you are not crazy. Crazy is not really an appropriate term in this context, in that it is non-diagnostic and nebulous. What does crazy mean? Does crazy mean you may have a problem related to brain function that is causing visible issues that are directly and strongly affecting your life? Then I suppose I’m crazy. Hopefully that means “Oh, I’m in good company” rather than “Holy crap! How can I be in the same category as him??” But people often have this image of crazy that implies a person
A) doesn’t know they are crazy
B) acts without any rationale.
The first one is silly. When you are diagnosed and accept that diagnosis, you no longer fit that criterion even under the most lenient forms of “crazy”. The second is simply false. With very very few exceptions people act according to their present, sometimes evanescent, rationality. If you are manic for example, you may feel that you do not need to sleep. In this case it is perfectly rational at the time not to sleep. Is it deterimental? Often yes. But it is not irrational relative to the person making the decision. Perhaps we all need to realize this, even those of us who are mentally ill. We are still responsible for our actions in most cases, but we are not acting without reason. As an associate of a mentally ill individual one should not react as though their actions are random. They aren’t (except in some strange cases of schizophrenia and even that’s doubtful). We must understand that to that individual at that time what they are doing makes sense.

For example, there is a condition known as body dysmorphic disorder or BDD. This is a continuing and pathological state of believing oneself to be ugly and unattractive bodily. This is not the standard idea we associate here. This is much in the same vein as paranoia, at the time you don’t understand that this is wrong. You don’t even understand that there’s a possibility that this isn’t true. Rather than seeing attractiveness as being in the eyes of the beholder, you see it as, at least in your own case, factual and inescapable. Your friends, with good intentions, may try and convince you that you are good looking. In BDD this WILL NOT WORK.

So, I guess the take away is:

you’re not crazy. crazy can’t be mitigated. you are not crazy and therapy and if necessary medication are your best bet for stability.

If anyone has any questions they think should be on the page, leave your question in the  comments section and I will do my best to answer them.

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It’s just in your head

Mental illness is a condition. We must remember that. A recent comment on a post led me to make this a post, since it was getting a bit long for a comment and contained issues that I wanted to express to the general public readers.

Some people have “pulled themselves out” of depression. But what does that mean?

If you pull yourself out of mental illness and get back to normal functioning… I don’t know, I’d be hard pressed to call that mental illness. Sure, you might be able to get to some form of function, but completely recovering by yourself to the same place you were before in my opinion is not mental illness.

Clinical Depression is mental illness.

Mental illness is by definition highly debilitating.

“In addition, for a diagnosis of major depression to be made, the symptoms must not be better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.”

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx22.htm

One of the problems with depression is that people treat it differently than bipolar or schizophrenia, because for one reason or another only bipolars and schizophrenics are “crazy”.

For many people I would argue that they cannot get out of it themselves. I mean, think of a broken leg. Ya you can let it heal, but you’ll often be debilitated for life because of very badly healed bone.

People often do not treat mental illness and “physical” illness the same way. For some reason antidepressants are a “crutch” that isn’t necessary, while a physical crutch is at least temporarily necessary if you want to be able to deal with anything more than laying down. Antidepressants are more like a wheel chair in many cases. A paralyzed person can work without a wheelchair, but it’s damn near impossible. I don’t see why people assume depression or bipolar or schizophrenia is necessarily different.

There are cases of temporary mental illness, that is, mental illness that seems to be healed after a certain amount of time. And I do believe that can be real depression. Just like pneumonia is a temporary illness if you get it dealt with, in some cases depression can be temporary.

We must be careful though. Depression is not just the feeling or the apathy. If it is truly a brain chemistry issue, fixing your own physical brain is extremely difficult or possibly impossible. Depression can entail a lot of things that are very hard to deal with. In my case (with bipolar) I had psychosomatic aphasia and paralysis. I also have Tourette’s and OCD. Those two are often comorbid.

Attempting to deal with it completely by yourself is what people usually do before they get help. No one wants to think of themselves as mentally ill. You have to get to the point where you can’t get out of it yourself and are willing to admit that you’re ill. Or to the point where you’re a danger to yourself or others.

I really am not trying to single the commenting person. First, the position given was vague and I don’t want to impute intent or meaning when I’m not completely sure. Also it’s a common position and should be addressed to everyone. I’m not mad about what the person wrote. Honestly it gave me the inspiration to write this post. And I certainly do not impute all these beliefs to that person, I’m relatively sure that person didn’t mean everything that I wrote down. It just reminded me and I wanted to write out the possibilities thoroughly.

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Mental Illnesses: Perspectives From The Mentally Ill

I’m working on putting together a new page on the site. This is for people with mental illnesses to describe their understanding and their experience of mental illness. I want to cover at least:

Depression, Bipolar (I and II), Borderline Personality Disorder, Adult ADHD, and Fibromyalgia.

A person on ProBlogger thought of this. A page to describe mental illness in a personal way, rather than a behavioral diagnostic of webMD. Not to disparage webMD by the way. They provide a good service. But they don’t have a personal description. They don’t have implications the illness has on everyday life.

We need that. The world needs that. The mentally ill and those who are not need that.

Message me at

archangel.associate@gmail.com

with a story. I won’t necessarily post them, but if I do I will not edit them. By that I mean the person will tell their own story as they see it. Editing the work would make it partially mine, and not fully theirs.

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